Chris and I dated for 2 years, 2 months, 1 week, and 6 days, when it comes down to it. On Friday I broke up with him. Unfortunately, it was on the phone, which I know is a major relationship foul, but whatever. I didn't mean to do it, exactly, but it happened.
It needed to happen. I have gotten to a point where I can't be in a serious relationship anymore. I was not being fair to him and I was not making him my priority. It really was not okay with me that I was treating him this way and - though he insists he was okay with it - I made the big girl decision to end things and figure out what I want and how to be in a relationship. I also don't really know anything about adult Maggie outside of the parameters of a relationship and I feel like I have to figure out who I am before I can happily and fairly function as part of a romantic unit and team.
And let me tell you something, my little raindrops, it seriously fucking sucks. Honestly, I really am not happy about this decision. It's hard. It would have been so much easier to just keep him around and let things continue, but I think he and I agree that the relationship was on its way to ending eventually. It was a hard decision to make and I know it was an even harder decision for him to have made for him.
I'm also really going to miss him. He was my boyfriend and my best friend. I told him everything and he understood my 62 track mind more quickly than anyone ever has. I have quirks and things that I'm really particular about and he got those and, more importantly, was okay with them and accommodated them. He was good to me and definitely treated me the way I think a boyfriend should treat his girlfriend. It's very sad to see the relationship end, but I know that, for now, it has to. I'm seriously going to miss him.
We are trying to remain friends. We agreed last night that we should ease into it so that we can move on and heal before cultivating our friendship again. We started as friends, so I think it can be done.
Maybe in my quest to figure out who I am, I'll realize that Chris is what I want in a lifelong relationship and maybe I can have him and that'll be great. If not, that's okay, too. Regardless, I decided last night that we are "indefinitely suspended." This means that our relationship has ended with no foreseeable end to the end, but with a chance of ending that end. It's totally circumstantial. He is okay with this definition our relationship suspended, which is good.
In short, that's why I haven't blogged. I just haven't known what to say. This was a major life change and, though it needed to happen, it was a very sad and hard one.
In other news, there's a ton of snow here. Like, seriously, a ton. I'll take a picture or two for you later.